When we say, "Nadya is kind, sweet and caring", what exactly are we saying? Do we know for a fact that Nadya's inherent nature comprises kindness, sweetness and concern for others? No. We do not. We know only what we can observe. And what we observe is her apparent gentle nature, and we are pleased.
But Nadya, as an intelligent free agent, has in all probability chosen her kindness. She knows, like the rest of us, that sometimes doing the wrong thing can get her some very nice things. She knows that dancing close to the dark side usually pays dividends for an eventual, ostensible light side (Vaapad!). Nonetheless, Nadya has made a conscious decision to operate under a convenient heuristic: she has chosen to be kind.
In that sense, Nadya's behaviour is no longer genuine; not in the sense that a baby's cry for milk is genuine. Instead, Nadya's conduct of herself is a continuous, self-analyzing and reflective amalgamation of calculations. She has chosen kindness for reasons of status augmentation, for purposes of harmonious participation, for the twin ends of convenience and recognition - exactly the maximand, we do not know. One thing is for certain, however: Nadya is no longer innocent.
This in itself is not altogether a bad thing, but modern society is such that subterfuge in any form is often frowned upon. We like to believe that the world is black and white, that someone is either "nice" or "not nice". Someone pretending to be nice because they have lost their innocence will not do, for too many categories would require an appreciation of complexity, a fervor for nuance. We can't have that: we need the brain capacity for Taiwan Long Juan Feng at 11:30 pm!
So we continue to hew our extremes, and to castigate those who let slip, for the briefest of moments, the veils shrouding their experience. "Assume a virtue, if you have it not," Polonius once exhorted. This piece of advice is honoured in the observance to this day, but certainly nobody thinks to pass it on specifically. A pity, for the alternative - to simply have true virtue - is well nigh out of reach for every single one of us fallen virgins. There is simply no returning to innocence.
But is that really such a bad thing? Already we herald personalities that are completely phoney: celebrities in "exclusive" newspaper interviews ("He's actually very down to earth!"), band members in rock concerts ("We really enjoy visiting Singapore!") and even someone as common and everyday as your boss ("Mr Wong is very reasonable one, he always pay for the staff annual dinner ..."). If we all get used to the idea that we are all pretending, and that the most virtuous is the best pretender, what is the loss? Perhaps the romance of virtue, the fuzzy feeling that humans are capable of superhuman grace and goodness. But in return we arrive at a powerful common understanding, and we rob the shrewdest tacticians amongst us of that most dangerous of edges: our trust. I'll play.
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3 comments:
i think the loss is much greater - not just "romance", but genuine relationships, judgment, evaluative frameworks.
on your view, only instinct can be honest. it doesn't allow us to make meaningful distinctions between self-reflective agents (which by the way are all of us!) who are, to a greater or lesser degree, genuine, tactical, arrogant, even kind.
i accept that you're raising this as a strategy of engagement, to say that "since we can't know, it's best we assume everyone is pretending." i suppose it's just that it's a regressive strategy - it removes the need for you to become a better judge of human character, for instance, as well as the need to value certain traits over others. I suppose i would just have preferred that the way i interact with people also lead to my own self-development in some way. And yes that is a choice - perhaps not an innocent one :P
i do agree that there are moments that i feel genuine, when i forget myself - for instance, the immediate sympathy i feel for engineering graduates drawing 2k a month. but these moments are essentially trained instincts - your characterization of my position remains. i do not, however, think that this cynical approach encourages a lazy way of living. indeed, i lose only my innocence; and i come to appreciate the efforts of other frauds. in short i am able to overcome, once and for all, the contempt that comes with knowing the other. -that- would be, to me, real character development.
(sorry typing from phone)
... because it is the development of a quality that overcomes a seldom-recognized, but all too frequent negative emotion. having 'genuine relationships' is a great thing, positive - who wouldn't want that delusion?
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